01/10/00

Heh, heh, heh,,,HAR, Har, har,,,HA, Ha, ha!!! Did you see the Democratic Presidential Debate last week? Did you see Meet The Press yesterday?

This is Great!!! The Liberals attacking each other, calling each other LIARS! To good to be true for conservatives. Here is the short story of it.

In the Democratic Presidential Debate between AlGore and Bradley, AlGore said,"I would have a LITMUS TEST for any potential candidates to the Military JOINT Chiefs of Staff. That They SUPPORT "his" policies." Not an EXACT QUOTE, but close enough. This was in regards to "The DON'T Ask, DON'T Tell" policy on Gays in the Military. Well the next day AlGore did a FLIPFLOP....According to one of his "handlers", AlGore meant that CONSTITUTIONALLY, not for individual inquires of candidates. That he (AlGore) only meant that the Candidates UNDERSTAND that Constitutionally the Military is in Civilian Control, and the Military follows his (AlGore's) orders and policies. Is this saying that AlGore believes the Military Leaders MIGHT NOT follow his orders? Even being sworn to UPHOLD THE CONSTITUTION? This looks like a slap in the face to career Military people that they might not follow orders. Maybe AlGore has something to fear, after all the Military has been subject to the Whims of Slick Willy for 7 yrs.

Yesterday on Meet The Press, advisors to AlGore and Bradley squared off on HEALTH CARE. This WAS FUNNY!!! They were arguing who is LIEING!!!! But the bare bones of it all is the wish of Both Democratic Presidential Candidates of SOCIALIZING HEALTH CARE. Which is, "here is YOUR health plan, NO you can't ask another Dr."

President Slick Willy, on a Legacy Building trip, is going to STEAL 2 MILLION ACRES from the citizens of ARIZONA. By designating 2 New "NATIONAL MONUMENTS". No more logging, no more mining, forever protected from ANY NEW DEVELOPMENT. And this area is high in URANIUM which could be used for POWER, and the TREES that will be left unharvested for use such as housing etc. I wonder what the chances are for 'ol Slick to fall in the Grand Canyon tommorrow??? I have hope.... Afterall Tenn. Titans won over Buffalo on a SPECTACULAR KICK-OFF RETURN on Sat. I won $2 on that game.

OK, now for an update on Where's George, the $ I spend and where it went.

1 bill reentered from Van Nuys, CA. 12 days 384 miles. 2nd bill reentered from Mesa, AZ 2 miles in 12 days. 3rd bill reentered from Chandler, AZ. 23 days 8 miles. If you want to get in this FREE FUN here is the Website!!!

Now for a final FREE FUN deal, and if you are interested on being involved in "The Search for Extraterrestial Life". Here is a Free Deal. But first, this is most usefull if you leave your Computer On all the time like I do. The following program uses your Computer to sift thru radio signals searching for non-natural signals that may be evidence of ET. The program ONLY runs when you are not using the computer, and you can also use it as a screen saver. If you are interested here is the LINK.

With the new PC I have started a "Smoker Dave" email List to alert those on it of Important Info whatever it maybe. If you have not recieved an email from me by now, and want to be included in the List, Email me using the email options I have provided at the top of this page and on the Main Page.

AZ. News. Scott Falater, the sleepwalking Murderer was sentanced today for killing his wife with 44 stab wounds, and then drowning her in the pool. (All the while he claims he was sleepwalking). The sentancing options were: #1 DEATH PENALTY, #2 LIFE W/O PAROLE, #3 LIFE W/Possibility of Parole after 25 yrs. He recieved LIFE W/O Possibility of Parole. I'm sure he will have FUN. After all he looks like a GIRLY-MAN, and acts like one too. I'm SURE he will make a good WIFE in prison. Can you say...."My BUTT will never be the same.....?" In my opinion this is the HARSHEST PENALTY that could be dealt. If he was sentanced to DEATH he would have his own individual cell on DEATH ROW, and the average before being put to DEATH is over 20 yrs in AZ. Enjoy Mr. Falater!!! Here is the ARIZONA REPUBLIC STORY HERE.

01/07/00

Well after a nearly 3 year absence (1 call since Feb'97) I made a return to the Art Bell Show Wed night after I got thru my backed up emails and posted the previous update. For those of you who have Windows Media Player, or RealPlayer, you can here this. I was the 2nd to the last caller. I was on 4:47:30 to 4:49:30 into the show. I ended bringing up what has happened in Tucson, AZ. The newspapers have BANNED INDIVIDUALS, unless they are LICENSED GUN DEALERS from advertising in the Classifieds. I find it another increment in the move to ban GUNS TOTALLY from the AMERICAN PUBLIC. But the time I had on the ART BELL SHOW also included some humorous moments. Here is the LINK!!! Scroll down to ARCHIVES, it is the 01/05/00 Show, near the very end of the broadcast.

Now onto the Respective Party's Presidential Debates. In my opinion if the Republicans LOSE, I'd rather have Bradley than IDIOT GORE. Now to the Republicans. I think the also rans should drop out and let Bush and McCain fight it out. Why? Well McCain is the ONLY viable Candidate besides Bush. Keyes, Hatch, etc. While also great candidates, don't have a CHANCE of winning the Nomination. Does not matter why, they just never got TRACTION early in the process, and most of them have been thru this before. They should step aside and let the 2 Major Candidates duke it out. Don't accuse me of being in the CONTROL GROUP of the Republican Party, couldn't be further from the truth. Alan Keyes, Orrin Hatch, etc. would be excellent choices as a running mate for the Nominee. I hope for 1 thing. That the VP chosen is NOT 'LIZ DOLE. I have deep disagreements with her when she ran THE RED CROSS. I can tell you this much, the industry in which I work, the RED CROSS also does. While the RED CROSS is also in the DISASTER RELIEF BUSINESS, which my work is not. THE RED CROSS SIPHONS DONATED $$$$ from DISASTER RELIEF to support the $$$ losing area in which my work is involved in. Both are NONPROFIT, but 1 is subsidizing it's other duties with $$$ SPECIFICALLY DONATED to DISASTER RELIEF without telling the $$$ Donors this could/will happen. So I DO NOT SUPPORT ELIZABETH DOLE for ANY HIGH OFFICE like VP. An Ambassador? OK FINE, just no OFFICE that dictates Policy. The RED CROSS in this country is virtually an AGENCY of the Federal Gov't.

Next Issue. CUBAN BOY.... If the boy stays HERE it will cost the TAXPAYERS NOTHING!!!! The Family will provide everything. The Dad? Possibly ORDERED by the Communist Gov't in Cuba to demand he be brought back. We have ILLEGAL ALIENS crossing the border in AZ by the THOUSANDS everyday, no means of support or anything. Yet we, or the Gov't gives them every POSSIBLE RIGHT to stay here. ecause MEXICO Demands it. Are we to assume that President Slick Willy is intimadated by an aging FIDEL CASTRO. Or is this just part of Slick's Plan of cowering to the wishes of Dictorship led countries? To lead to a more fair NEW WORLD ORDER? Which means AMERICANS will SUFFER the MOST? I say WE, this COUNTRY has done more for this WORLD, feeding the poor countries, rebuilding countries devastated by WAR. What Country has done MORE for the World than the USA??? Why should we be DEMONIZED???

01/06/00

Like "The PHOENIX" Rising out of the ASHES, SMOKER DAVE IS BACK!!!! After 9 LONG DAYS and NIGHTS it is GREAT to be back on-line once again. Man, how the emails pile up! Of coarse you know how I wish to save all of humanity, including tree hugging liberals, etc. I volunteered myself to shoulder the entire WORLD'S Y2K problems. I did a heck of a job, hardly a glitch anywhere.

EXCEPT at the Smoker Dave Secret Compound. The remenants of my OLD 486 lies in pieces here and at my brother's place. My brother has the hard drives to try to retrieve any more salvagable files. Mainly the INBOX of my EMAIL, and my ICQ addresses. Any of you who have me on your ICQ list, please send me a message so I can get you back on my ICQ List. At least my EMAIL ADDRESS BOOK was retrievable.

I am now on a Pentium MMX 200 mghz, 64 Meg RAM, 6 GIG HD. Now running Win98 & IE 5.0. Kind of running Bare-Bones at this time, I need to get new speakers, re-install my Touchpad, Printer, and Scanner. Plus I have to get used to Win98 & IE as I was using Win95 and Netscape 3.0. 1st thing to get re-installed is my Touchpad, I Hate using the Mouse. One critizism is that this PC is a Tower, blocks my view of the TV.....But Beggars can't be choosers.

Looking about my SMALL enclave, I hope no FBI or BATF, etc. shows up at my door. With all these computer pieces laying about, someone might wonder what the hell I was trying to build...Ha Ha!!!!

Boy I sure missed a lot of good commentary, well I didn't miss it, you all did. I'll just do a brief one on a couple of recent issues.

The END of BIG GOV'T? OSHA and the HOME OFFICE. See Story HERE! Well this perverted idea was flushed down the toilet today. See how FAST they backpedaled on this. See Story Here! But read the fine print in both stories, rickety stairs? PC overloading the electrical lines and causing a FIRE? My workplace you have to go outside to smoke, does that mean I can't smoke in my APT because I sometimes do work at home? Where would it end? I can't keep BEER in the 'Fridge at work.....

How about the "I told you so's" from people who didn't prepare at all for possible trouble over Y2K to those who took some pre-cautions? Do these people consider $$$ spent on car, health Insurance, wasted if they don't get in an accident, or get sick???? In my opinion it is a good idea to have some extra food etc. on hand. You never know when a storm may hit, a job loss, etc. Here in AZ. the FOOD BANKS are telling everyone who bought extra food to donate it. Give me a break, most of the canned soups, pastas, etc. are good for 2 yrs or so. Maybe if you have 12 cases of Pork and Beans you might want to donate some....


12/29/99

Well here I am talking to you from "THE DEAD ZONE"!!!! Totally CUT OFF from the CYBER WORLD. Yesterday my REGISTRY FILES and CONFIGURATION FILES got corrupted.

I believe it was caused by the ongoing troubles I have been having with this PC. It's an old 486, should have known that if the Monitor was becoming unreadable, that the HARD DRIVE was ALSO becoming unreadable. I probably didn't help the situation much yesterday either. While at "THE SECRET LAB" I have a knack of being able to punch keys on the keyboard to get the PC working again, or beating the Lab Equipment to work properly. (Like "The FONZ" used to do to the Jukebox on "HAPPY DAYS"), my luck is the exact opposite on my own PC. Usually my non-smoking brother is able to revive this PC to the point where I get back on-line.

Well this time the DEATH WARRANT has been issued, PC on TOTAL LIFESUPPORT, I am writing this UpDate to hopefully be posted from my brother's PC just before Y2K hits here in DOS, WIN DOWS is TOAST on this PC. At least my brother was able to revive this so I could have the ability to at least get ready this and the next update. My brother has a NEW PC and I will be getting his old one next week sometime. Thus this PC is being kept ALIVE to be a DONOR to my brother's old PC that I will get.

It appears that I should be able to copy the "C" Drive to the "D" Drive which is still OK, and then keep the files which are still OK, and TRANSPLANT the "D" Drive into the PC I will get from my brother. And wouldn't you know it, the FLOPPY DISC I use for my WEB PAGE FILES was also corrupted. The FIXDISC worked though and files transferred to a new DISC.

Everything computer related has gone "To Hell In A Hand Basket" in a hurry here. I forgot to mention that my CASSIOPEIA was DOA on 12/26/99. Guess what that contains? PASSWORDS for work, and my email and AT&T WORLDNET Account. So you know I now have to call AT&T to get these Passwords to get my email at my brother's Friday night.

I wonder what the odds are of having my Palm Size PC, Desk Top PC, and most important FLOPPY DISC all going to the shitter in a span of 2 Days, just before Y2K....

So as you can see I have already had MY computer problems both at home and work prior to Y2K. Turns out the water I have, the canned goods and means to cook them, the LED Flashlights, Baygen Radio, full tank of gas, 10 cartons of cigarrettes, 2 cases of Diet Coke, 2 cases of BEER,,,,,AND I still get blindsided by computer trouble!

12/27/99

I hope you ALL had a Merry Christmas with family and friends like I did.

I did well in GIFTS. A NEW MONITOR, 17 inches. AND the display is picture perfect. I didn't know I was supposed to be able to read clearly the Task Bar.

I also got a NEW TV, replaces the one I have whose tube is going. I also recieved some other items, but these were the Big Ticket items.

My NFL Cardinals blew their last and best chance of post season play by losing to Atlanta yesterday. A TERRIBLE PERFORMANCE. And from the looks of the Secret Lab's FOOTBALL POOL I am also eliminated from the $$$.

Hijacking of Indian Jet Continues, I have a BAD FELLING on this....more passengers I fear will be killed before this is over. I don't think India has the ability to re-create Isreal's "RAID ON ENTEMBEE" and save most of the hostages.

Now for a tid bit of info: We here in the Phoenix, AZ Metro Area are in Day 96 of NO RAIN and no RAIN FORCAST anytime soon. A RECORD! Well when it does finally RAIN the streets are going to be DANGEROUS!!! All the Oils ETC will make the Streets slicker than black ice.

Y2K: I have some info for you. My brother works for AT&T here in MESA, AZ. Because of Y2K FEARS AT&T has 20 Port-A-Potties, 20,000 Gallons of water on hand in case of FIRE. I wonder what they know that we don't.

Smoker Dave is nearly completely ready. I currently just filled my large water containers, 24 Gallons. I will fill up the 2 Liter soda bottles this week. I have enough canned food and means to heat it for 30 days+. I also have from the CCRANE Company White LED FLASHLIGHTS, and the Super Baygen AM/FM/SW Radio. See the Products HERE!!!

I do have my camping equipment in the trunk of my car. A Tent, Sleeping Bag, collapsable chair & table, BBQ Grill, Emergency Blanket, Toilet paper, Plastic Plates and Cups, and some SLIM JIMS. All this in case it gets dangerous to stay in a Metro Area, and I decide to leave. All this stuff that is not in the trunk of my car, canned food etc. I will be able to fit in the back seats of my car. And of coarse my handgun goes where I go. I do have other supplies like a roll of Duct Tape, Batteries, etc. You may think I am EXTREME in this, I say to you, You should ALWAYS keep enough supplies in your home to last 3 days, and have a means of getting news etc. I have followed this rule. I just decided months ago that I want a 30 day supply. Do you think this is EXTREME? The MORMON's Preach to have a 1 YEAR supply of food and essentials. And Yes I do have some $$$CASH on hand, and I will keep my gas tank full this week. Prepare for the Worst, hope for the Best, is my MANTRA.

So you might be wondering what Smoker Dave is actually doing come NEW YEARS EVE. Well I'm going to tell you. I will head over to my mom's house less than 10 miles from me around 9PM. I will bring my Super Baygen Radio, LED Flashlights, my handgun, and my FIREPROOF LOCK BOX containing my $$$CASH, Tax Returns, Bank Statements, Pay Stubs, And Investments Info. I WILL be Listening to the ART BELL SHOW on the radio. We will order a couple of large Pizzas from Domino's around 10PM. Then my mom is going online to chat with my Aunt in Buffalo, NY and find out what is happening there as Y2K rolls in. Whatever happens, we will be having STEAK on 1/1/00 on my mom's gas BBQ Grill.

My Birthday is on 1/8, Trust Me, I will have BEER no matter what happens.

Remember I am in AZ, the lows now are in the 40's, highs in the 70's. We won't FREEZE to DEATH like other parts of the country if the POWER goes out.

12/23/99

A correction: The one who QUIT the SECRET LAB, UNQUIT. What gives? Throw a FIT, storm out of work (job abandonment) and end up getting what you want? I've been working there for 13 1/2 yrs. If I did the same thing I KNOW I wouldn't have a job if I decided to UNQUIT. Could it be because I'm a "HE" and she's a "SHE"? I don't know.

Well I regained my voice somewhat from yesterday, still I'm the sickest I've been in 5 yrs. And wouldn't you know it, my best laid plans foiled. I went into work an hr early with plans of getting some testing a head start since I couldn't sleep. I planned on leaving by 6AM. Well a sample problem occured, causing an instument to be contaminated like you wouldn't believe. Took me 6 HRS to clean the instrument, and I still don't know if it works yet. So the day I planned on leaving early, and my MANAGER FRED told me I should take the night off, my planned 7 hr shift became an 11 hr shift. Ain't this ROTTEN LUCK??? I'm the sickest I've been in 5 yrs, and end up working the longest hrs. It's so pathetic, it's funny.

Well as you can probably figure out, there is no posting on any other news today because of this. I need the Chicken Soup and sleep. I don't use Cold or Flu medicines, I prefer that when I do get sick for my own immune system to fight it off. Can't have a strong immune system if you don't let it get a workout.

MERRY CHRISTMAS to ALL my Visitors!!!!

Next update 12/25 LATE PM or 12/26 EARLY AM.

12/22/99

Sorry for not updating the web site yesterday, I had other computer work that took longer than expected.

Now this, I have a "runny" nose, no big deal. But what is disturbing is that I am losing my VOICE!!! Hopefully this will rectify itself after a good day's sleep. And another co-worker passes a kidney stone stone at work, strange time inded at the Secret Lab. This doesn't even count the one who had a fit and QUIT Monday night, or the Supervisor Fired Tuesday afternoon. Different Dept's in both cases from my lab.

Now here is an ARIZONA STORY. A school employee was ARRESTED because of a BUMPER-STICKER. See the Story from THE ARIZONA REPUBLIC HERE!!!

This follows the story I heard on the radio yesterday. From a Dallas/Fort Worth, TX. elementary school. A male Elementary teacher was suspended without pay for 4 weeks because as he was passing the female who was giving a seminar on SEXUAL HARRASMENT in the workplace, He said, "Hello Good Looking...". His answer to the local newspapers was that where he came from, this was considered a COMPLIMENT. What is behind this, is. Feminism at it's root is a response by ugly women to advance in the workplace. And if you are a MALE on the job and give a FEMINIST a compliment based on VISUAL LOOKS, whether intended by her or not, you open yourself up to possible SEXUAL HARRASSMENT claims. Do you think Liberalism has gone TOO FAR yet?

Well I have gotten 4 more hits for my WHERE'S GEORGE? tracking of $$$ Bills I enter into this site. Brings me up to 7 hits, the long distance ones are because of the present I sent to some friends. Here are the details.

Welcome back, Smoker Dave

3 $20 Bills fom Mesa, AZ. to Indianapolis in 8 days, 2 hours and 2 minutes for 1,490 miles. Average Speed 7.7 MPH. 1 $10 Bill from Mesa, AZ. to Chandler, AZ. in 15 days 6 hours and 58 minutes for 7.2 miles. Average Speed 0.02 MPH.

See you tommorrow!!! I am going to try the Chicken Soup approach and some sleep to see if I can regain my voice, hope it works, hard to tell co-workers what to do and engage in regular conversation when the voice is gone,,,, especially for me!!! Being a VERBAL Person. No doubt some are taking unadulterated JOY that I have lost my voice. But this will pass, hopefully in less than 10 hrs.

12/20/99

Well most of you have heard the STORY about BOMB making devices being smuggled from Canada to the USA near Seattle, Washington. I wonder how many of you have heard the STORY in ARIZONA. Last Week in Northern ARIZONA, over 1,000 LBS of dynamite and detonation cord was stolen from a Mining Company, No SUSPECTS. But the news reports that enough EXPLOSIVES were STOLEN to LEVEL A HIGH RISE BUILDING. This is linked to the News Stories Today in ARIZONA. OUR CONGRESSMEN and their families said today,"They will stay FAR away from large gatherings on NEW YEARS EVE...". An added anouncement that EXTRA SECURITY would be in force for the TEMPE AZ BLOCK PARTY one of the biggest gatherings in the Nation for NEW YEARS EVE. And now in the NEWS a FEDERAL OFFICIAL has said He would not let any of his family attend the Celebration in NEW YORK CITY'S Times Square because of the high risk of TERRORIST ACTION(s).

Hmmmm....Looks like my original plan is a good one. I will spend NEW YEARS EVE at an undisclosed location, with my Mom and Brother, well stocked in food and water, ETC. I will be listening to the EXTENDED 8 HR ART BELL SHOW.

Now I just Re-Watched "MEET THE PRESS" debate between ROBO-AL-GORE and Bill Bradley. Bradley hit Al Gore with more EGGS than I ever threw on Halloween!!! And Al Gore didn't even know he was hit!!! For those of you who didn't see this, I hope you have read or saw the mini-series by Stephan King "THE STAND". The Liberal Candidates, especially Al Gore, in this analogy would be Randall Flag, the tin-god. Who Ultimately loses to an old wise lady (Mother Abagaile) led by GOD. You LIBERALS I feel SORRY for you, the LIBERAL MEDIA, I feel SORRY for you too. While you have done the most to present your bias in the news, you UNDERESTIMATED the INTELLECT of the AMERICAN POPULACE. Looks to me that CONSERVATISM is on the RISE. The American Public is no longer BUYING the NOTION that individual responsibility doesn't exist. That ALL our short-comings are because we were abused as children, single parent, divorce, Poor, or not poor but w/o the bells and whistles of the RICH. EX. Every High School had the kid(s) who had a BRAND NEW CAR on their 16th Birthday. This DOES NOT MEAN the rest of us are POOR and should seek out handouts from the Gov't because we are DISADVANTAGED.

REMEMBER, We are a FREE COUNTRY. You are entitled to SUCCEED or FAIL to the Best of your abilities. THAT IS FREEDOM.

Now to those who FAIL, NO-ONE STARVES IN AMERICA, even the Children from the poorest families get an education. Do those whoose parents succeeded have it better? YES, is this unfair? NO!!!

Let's look at it this way... You work at a JOB, someone you work with (Same Pay$) volunteers for extra shifts, does extra tasks, etc. YOU call in sick frequently, either because you are actually sick, or just don't FEEL LIKE WORKING that day. The other always shows up for work. The "OTHER" will get a bigger RAISE or Promoted. You LIBERAL people would think this UNFAIR and COMPLAIN or file a LAWSUIT, Crying UNFAIR, UNFAIR!!!! WAAA, WAAA, WAAA!!!! BOO HOO!!! I WANT MY MOMMY!!!!

To you LIBERALS, my CHRISTMAS WISH... EAT SHIT AND DIE!!! Leave this country to those who want to work, and carry their fair share. Or you could live in a Tree on an 8X8 plywood platform and SAVE A TREE if you LIVE IN IT FOR 2 YEARS.

Screw THAT!!! Someone send me a CHAINSAW, I will fell this TREE the WHACKO lived in for 2 YRS.

In my honest opinion, SATAN and LUCIFER are having a FIELD DAY in this country. I back this by the DISASTER in VENEZUALA, possibly 25,000 DEAD from MUD SLIDES, but little news of it here. I'd rather help them, not some TREE HUGGER.

12/19/99

A SUNDAY NIGHT UPDATE

Hi all, I just got home from the Cardinals/Bills NFL Football Game. I must tell you I am Very disappointed about being basically nearlt mathmatically elimiminated from the playoffs. However I am STUBBORN and never give up, a Season ticket holder for over 11 yrs. I was a Cardinals fan when the Cardinals sucked, so I remain a Cadrinals Fan when we are competetive. I will Continue to wear my Cardinals Jacket to work each night to work at the SECRET LAB. If there is anything that could be said about me besides work, is that I am a Loyal Friend, and a Devoted Fan. Jake "The Snake " Plummer took us to the Playoffs last year, almost did it this year. I will never give up on my TEAM, We COULD still make the PLAYOFFS if everything works just right, but it's a long shot.

Now I know how I have been warning you all about Y2K. I just wanto to temper it today with a story I have from my hometown newspaper.

THERE'S A STORY told about a bishop who was paying his annual visit to a small religious college he was affiliated with. He was a guest of one of thr professors and was discussing the state of the world. He said it was his opinion that because everything about nature had been discovered and inasmuch as all inventions had been made, the world was on the verge of the millennium.

The professor disagreed and he said he thought the next 50 years would produce mant discoveries.

"MANY?" asked the bishop, "NAME ONE."

The College Teacher replied that in the next few years MAN would be able to fly like the birds.

"NONSENCE," said the bishop. "FLIGHT is reserved for the ANGELS."

That bishop's name was Wright----He had two sons, Orville and Wilbur.....

12/17/99

Late update, earlier today as I was composing today's post, Bill Gate's Evil Blue Screen of Death appeared on my monitor. So here I am trying again.

Well the long week is over for me at The Secret Lab. The, what we thought was the last, Computer, Network, Software replacement went Live this past Monday. It started Terribly. By the end of the week it has improved. Now it is just an added inconvience to everyday life at work. Sort of like having a broken leg, and you live on the 3rd floor.

Now to my reference of, "The, what we thought was the last, Computer, Network, Software replacement...". Well apparently it was discovered yesterday that the Computer the controls the Building's Security, (All entrances to the Lab and different areas of the Building are entered using an elctronic card key), and also regulates the Humidity, Temperature, Positive Air Pressure, in the actual Testing Labs themselves, IS NOT Y2K COMPLIANT. My guess is that this Computer also runs the Lab's UPS, and back-up Diesel Generator. This multi-million $$$$ Lab was built from the ground up less than 3 yrs ago, how could this happen???!!! Stupidity, I guess.

Well yesterday I promised to post a couple of emails I recieved. The first is from one of my Techs, Tim D. an OK guy, a little strange, but who isn't that works the Graveyard Shift?, and I've been doing it for 12 yrs!!! Ha Ha!!! I must be a Certified Nut-Case, but you probably know that...

>Latest Darwin Award nominees:
>(the Darwin award, for those not familiar, are for those individuals who
>contribute to the survival of the fittest by eliminating  themselves from
>the gene pool before they have a chance to breed).
>
>===========================================================
>A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply because
>he had no money to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk.  Not
surprisingly,
>this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his
>house.
>The resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him
and
>his sister.
>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>--------------------------------
>A 34 yr. old white male found dead in the basement of his home died of
>suffocation, police said.
>He was approximately 6' 2" and 225 lb.
>He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white saddle shoes,
and
>a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to create a schoolgirl's
>uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask that had the filter
>canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place.
>The other end of the hose was connected to a hollow wooden section of
>bedpost approximately 12 inches long and 3 inches in diameter.  This
bedpost
>was inserted into his rear end for reasons unknown, and was the cause of
his
>suffocation.
>Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his
>family members very awkward.
>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>---------------------------------
>Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when
>another plane approached.
>It appears they decided to "moon" the occupants of the other plane, but
lost
>control of the plane and crashed.
>They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their
>ankles.
>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>----------------------------------
>A police officer in Ohio responded to a call that was made to 911.  She had
>no details before arriving except that someone was reporting that his
father
>was not breathing.  Upon arrival, the officer found the man face down on
the
>couch, naked.
>When she rolled him over to check for a pulse and to start CPR
>if necessary, she noticed burn marks around his genitals.
>After the ambulance arrived and removed the man
>(who turned out to be dead on arrival at hospital),
>the police made a closer inspection of the couch, and noticed that the man
>had made a hole between the cushions.
>Upon flipping the couch over they discovered what caused his death.
>Apparently the man had a habit of putting his penis between the
>cushions,down into the hole and between two electric sanders
>(with the sandpaper removed for obvious reasons).
>According to the story, after his orgasm the...ahem... discharge shorted
out
>one of the sanders, electrocuting him to death.
>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>----------------------------------
>LOS ANGELES - Police officials would not release the name of a Pacoima man
>who was found dead yesterday after responding to complaints from neighbors
>that a bad smell was coming from his apartment.  Upon entering the
>apartment, officers were surprised to see that every square inch of the
>apartment, including appliances and even the inside of the toilet, were
>covered with pornographic images cut from magazines.  "The visual effect
was
>very unsettling," said Officer Hradj of the Pacoima Police."Because
>everything looked the same, you could not tell where one wall ended and a
>doorway began."
>The surprises did not end there, however.
>Police described the man as having
>"concocted a wire frame around his head" upon which he had taped various
>pornographic images, apparently so he could freely move about his apartment
>without ever losing his close-up view of nude bodies.
>Small slits had been cut into the paper so he could find his way,
>but according to Hradj, "He had almost no peripheral vision.
>He could barely see a thing.
>" The man was found nude with this wire frame entangled in a hanging lamp.
>"We think he had been dusting,"
>said another police officer,
>"because a feather duster was lying nearby, and his head gear had somehow
>become caught in the lamp, which was chained to the ceiling.  " The man
>allegedly choked to death trying to extricate himself from his predicament.
>According to his apartment manager, the white male in his mid-30's never
>left his apartment, and had food delivered weekly.
>Funeral services are planned for next week.
>His next of kin requested that his name be withheld.
>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>------------------------------------------
>A 27 year-old French woman lost control over her car on a highway near
>Marseilles and crashed into a tree, seriously injuring her passenger and
>killing her.
>As a commonplace road accident, this would not have qualified for a Darwin
>nomination were it not for the fact that the driver's attention had been
>distracted by her Tamagotchi key ring, which had started urgently beeping
>for food as she drove along. In attempting to press the correct buttons to
>save the Tamagotchi's life, the woman lost her own.
>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>-------------------------------------------
>A 22-year-old Reston man was found dead yesterday after he tried to use
occy
>straps (the stretchy little ropes with hooks on each end) to bungee jump
off
>a 70-foot railroad trestle, police said.
>Fairfax County police said Eric A. Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a
bunch
>of these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the
other
>end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped ...and hit the pavement.
>Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was
>alone because his car was found nearby.
>"The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance
>between the trestle and the ground" Carmichael said.
>Police say the apparent cause of death was "major trauma."
>An autopsy is scheduled for later in the week.
>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>-----------------------------------------
>A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites.
>Big deal you may say, but there's a twist here that makes him a candidate.
>It seems he and a friend were playing catch with a rattlesnake.
>You can guess what happened from here.
>The friend (a future Darwin Awards candidate) was hospitalized.
>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>-----------------------------------------
>In a west Texas town, employees in a medium-sized warehouse noticed the
>smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building,
>extinguishing all potential sources of ignition - lights, power, etc.
>After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company
>were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty
>navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked.
>Witnesses later described the vision of one of the technicians reaching
into
>his pocket, and retrieving an object that resembled a lighter.
>Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse
>exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away.
>Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually
>untouched by the explosion. The technician that was suspected of causing
the
>explosion had never been thought of as "bright" by his peers.
>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>-----------------------------------------
>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>-----------------------------------------
>Top 10 Winners in the Stupid People Contest
>#1
>I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
>poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she
>caught her little daughter eating ants.  I quickly reassured her that the
>ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into
>the hospital.  She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened
>to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to
>kill the ants.  I told her that she better bring her daughter into the
>Emergency room right away.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>#2
>Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to
>steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it
>out
>of the plane and home.  When they took it for a float on the river,
>they were surprised
>by a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them.
>It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator that
>is activated when the raft is inflated. They are no longer employed there.
>  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>#3
>A true story out of San Francisco:
>A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch
and
>wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag."
>While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to
>worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police
>before he reached the teller window.
>So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.
After
>waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo
teller.
>She read it and surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the
>brightest
>light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup
>note because
>it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either
>have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
>Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and left.
>The Wells Fargo teller then called the police who arrested the man a few
>minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>#4
>A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured
>his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the
>mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent
>the police department a photograph of $40  Several days later, he received
a
>letter from the police that contained another picture .....of handcuffs.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>#5
>A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was a car
>phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone and told the
>guy that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car.
>They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>#6
>R.C. Gaitlan, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were showing their
>squad car computer equipment to children in a Detroit neighborhood. When he
>asked how the system worked, the officer asked him for identification.
>Gaitlan gave them his drivers license, they entered it into the
computer,and
>moments later they arrested Gaitlan because information on the screen
showed
>Gaitlan was wanted for a two year old armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>#7
>Guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all the
>cash
>from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag,the robber
saw
>a
>bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told
the
>cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he refused and said, "Because I
>don't
>believe you are over 21."
>The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him
>because he
>didn't believe him. At this point the robber took his driver's
>license out of his
>wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed that
>the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber
>then ran from the store with his loot.  The cashier promptly called the
>police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the
>license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>#8
>A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers.
>The first one shouted, "Nobody move!"
>When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>#9
>Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly.
>He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store
>window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved
>it over his head at the window.  The cinder block bounced back and hit the
>would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor
store
>window was made of Plexi-Glass.  The whole event was caught on videotape.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>#10
>Ann Arbor:The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
>Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 am, flashed a gun and demanded
>cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash
>register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk
>said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked
away.

This one I got from the Librarian in my Hometown.

Subject: CLOCKS IN HEAVEN

Hillary Clinton died and went to Heaven. St. Peter was giving her a tour of Heaven when she noticed that there were dozens of clocks on the wall.

Each clock displayed a different time of day. When she asked St. Peter about the clocks he replied, "We have a clock for each person on earth and every time they tell a lie the hands move. The clock ticks off one second each time a lie is told." Special attention was given to two clocks.

The clock belonging to Mother Teresa has never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.

The clock for Abraham Lincoln has only moved twice. He only told two lies in his life.

Hillary asked "where is Bill's clock"?

St. Peter replied, "Jesus has it in His office...He is using it as a ceiling fan."